The Listicle Edition

My life has been feeling pretty repetitive these past few weeks, so here’s a few countdown lists of things that have been staples of my social-distancing experience:

Ranking of Clothes to Wear Inside and To Take The Dog Out Only

1. Hanes bralettes that essentially only act as an underboob sweat barrier

2. Green sweatshirt that needs washed really badly, but it’s comfy, so I Don’t Wanna

3. Matching sweatpants that I refuse to pair with its sweatshirt because I’ll look like a Christmas tree

4. Leggings that give me muffin top, but have pockets

5. A scrunchie that is clinging to the last dregs of life left inside it

Ranking of All The Online-Learning Tools I have Downloaded Right Now

1. Zoom

2. Slack

3. Microsoft Teams

4. Google Hangouts

5. Skype for Business. Literally rot in hell.

Ranking of Quarantine Beverages

1. Boxed wine at 3 PM

2. Boxed wine at any other time

3. Ice water

4. Flat Diet Coke that’s taken me 3 days to finish

5. Lukewarm water that has been sitting on my desk for 3 consecutive classes

Ranking of Quarantine Meals

1. Bowtie pasta with garlic salt and shredded parm

2. Trader Joe’s potstickers that I’ve been rationing because the concept of returning to TJ’s right now is giving me heart palpitations

3. The smelliest cheese imaginable on a stale baguette

4. Thai food from Doordash that has been lovingly deposited outside my building’s front door

5. Ritz crackers

Ranking of Activities and Things That Can Barely Be Considered Activities

1. Animal Crossing New Horizons

2. Animal Crossing New Horizons again

3. Watching my dog learn how to solve puzzles

4. Gradually tearing off my four week old gel manicure

5. Thinking about Joe Exotic, the Tiger King

   Honorable mention: Anxious Leg Wiggles!